Lieutenant Abarai Renji, Reporting

The long and curling fingers of bureaucracy have grasped and are twitching about the neck of my life plans. If that doesn’t give you the jibblies, I don’t know what will.

I made a narrow escape from an English professor who chewed gum throughout the lecture and whose repeated use of the word ‘awesome’ must have numbered in the dozens.

I have seen not one but two cats running across a main campus road. (Different times, different cats, same road.)

I have picked up two dimes since my last post.

I have finished spring term and begun summer term.

I have rewatched the original Star Wars trilogy.

The elevator in one of the places I picked up a dime has a notice that says: ‘If the elevator stops between floors, do not get off.’

One of the exits to the building with this computer warns you to make use of the exit only in emergencies and further cautions, ‘This door is alarmed.’ It is now my favourite door. I have resolved to use it regularly.

A couple semesters ago, one of my professors misspoke and said of someone that he was ’speaking from the seat of his pants.’ Either no one else noticed or they stifled their hilarity, because laughter did not ring out.

If I were operating from the Wizard’s Tower, the weather would be pretty darn bad.

It is six months to Christmas.

The end.

Not quite. Happy birthday, roscivs!

No, this post isn’t really revolutionary, it’s just a continuation of the temporary government theme. There are now not one but two posts waiting in the would-be wings, waiting to fly to you as soon as they are fully feathered.

It has been unseasonably cold here. I am usually unseasonably cold, so this is more of a problem for me than most, particularly as I forgot to bring my bedding with me when I made my weekly southern migration. Not southerly enough to render unnecessary the warmth of blankets, I assure you. It is therefore a happiness to me that I possess many fine and heavy jackets with which to swathe myself during those hours in which I must sleep. An hour spent in discomfort, a lesson in packing learned. Were I a swallow, I would not pack at all, but I would go all the way to Mexico, so there you have it. If it comes to that, the life of a swallow requires neither rest in bed nor the wearing of jackets. I may have to come to earth in the wrong material form entirely.

Just yesterday, as I was walking home from class, a flash of colour positively zoomed towards my legs, and I reflexively looked down to see the result and espied–a ladybird beetle! One with five spots. Not at fortuitous as, say, seven, but still a nice, odd number. I put my palms on either side of it so as to encourage it to leave my jeans (against which blue its red admittedly turned up well) and climb onto my hand, which it did without too much coaxing. I then walked along and watched it crawl about my fingers for a few moments before it flipped open its wings and crossed the street more quickly than I can run. Prior to this, it had been just more than a year since I had last seen and indeed held a ladybug. I was on the shore of Lake Michigan, and saw, very much to my surprise, one of the dear little bugs crawling amidst the beach pebbles! I admit that whenever I see a ladybug I want to hold it and it was so on this occasion. After succumbing to capture, this ladybug clung to my hand for a very long time, and did not want to seem to relinquish its hold on me, though I encouraged it to fly by flapping my hand. When it finally did go, I wondered where it would settle, since it seemed to have strayed so far from where a ladybug ought to be.

The thing that ties all this together is that at the time I thought I should write about the ladybug on my blog, which I had just started. Further in re of this, there was a duck on Lake Michigan that day or one like it, a male Mallard that bobbed in and out with the waves, nature’s own surfer, possessed of a delightful buoyancy to counterpoint my completely inexpert attempts to skip stones. (In truth, I fell to chucking stones that were obviously completely unsuited to the job, simply to disguise and demonstrate my failure as a futility of logic rather than skill.) The mallard, in whom my heart delighted (and at whom I did not throw stones, futile or otherwise), was another subject I considered for a post, and as my frequent reader knows, ducks are a favoured subject of my recent writings.

Thus it is shown that my yen for nature hasn’t changed; I’ve just finally got round to writing about it.

Interim posts are like interim governments–you need to watch them, if only to make sure that they will go away and that the real thing will again resurface.

Bias

I’m writing on a computer not my own, now, and so all the clever little things I mean to do for the next elected by and for the people post are waiting for the real deal computer–the one that will let me post images, the one I’ll only have to haul my textbooks five feet to. Yes, it’s going to have academic ironies! Bet you can’t wait.

Your Brain’s Gone Soft

The other day, looking at the blog of a certain blodg relative of mine (that’s blood blogging relative), I came across a picture of my niece. I was so charmed by it that I was almost overcome by a desire to turn to the person next to me in the computer lab and say, Look! That’s my niece! [Isn’t she darling? Go ahead and say it. She’s the cutest little girl you’ve ever seen.] Yes, I am truly besotted. But I refrained from so doing, and I’m thanking myself now, because what comes around goes around. Who knows what crazy kook karma might fob off on me for my stranger-on-the-bus stunt? Who knows what crazy kook I might become if I yield?

Long Legged Life

The other day I saw a caterpillar of amazingly complex coloration. I have searched for an a visual approximation of it to share with you all, but in vain. It was, however, a thing of beauty–like a stained glass window or a computer screensaver. Incredible pattern and colour. I saw it inching its way along the pavement on my way to class, and though I was late, stooped over it to examine it–I hadn’t seen a caterpillar in years. After deciding that to photograph it with my cellphone would be fruitless (the details were so fine), I advised it to get off the sidewalk and continued on. Eric Carle couldn’t have made a more engaging specimen.

Bad Penny

Any random offering of thoughts is fair game for a discussion of dreams. But first, a digression. I have decided to pick up all the coins I see while I am at college, put them in one place, and then, at the end of it, see if I have enough to buy a Bleach novel, which has become my monetary unit of measurement. Now, dreams. Over the past, say, year, I have had quite a few dreams about the collecting of coins. That is to say, the picking up of fallen coins. On a train, on the sidewalk, in the midst of a crowd. I must sometimes defend the coins, as when sometimes steps on something they’ve dropped, or protect myself from the jostling of other people who have seen the coins as well. Usually I put them into my pockets, though on the train I had a very large taking indeed and used a bag. In my dream world, there are many more quarters than there seem to be here, and sometimes even bills. Not too many pennies. Dimes are also a prize, and I’ll takes nickels–the picking up of pennies is for form’s sake. The coins appear very frequently (every few feet), and often seem to be the sole focus of action the dream, sidelining any other planned events. Never before has anyone confided in me to having dreams similar to this. If you have had or have heard of a ‘coin dream’, a penny for your thoughts.

Indiana Jones returns to the screen after a long hiatus! It is now the Cold War. Nazis may become passé, but Indie can still save the day–from communists!

Among the film’s many delights are a particularly exciting motorcycle chase and the most improbable sword fight since Pirates of the Caribbean I.

Henry Jones, Jr. still whips his whip with panache and wears his trademark fedora with style, albeit on hair gone gray. The film deals gracefully with main actor Harrison Ford’s increased age, not attempting to pretend that time has not passed for the characters (though I must say Mr. Ford is very fit and quite the handsome ‘older man’!).

This film is highly humourous, and the script is excellent. It’s a great theatrical experience–thrilling, hilarious, and filled with ‘thirteen impossible things before breakfast’. Not to mention great special effects, sets, and scenery! And, of course, the Indiana Jones theme song we know and love.

I recommend in the strongest degree that you see this film, and that while it is yet in theaters. Do it justice. Give it the big screen it so richly deserves.

Yay, Indie!

A mother duck and her six children waddling by me as I crouch on the grass.

Realizing the alarm has failed to go off and hurrying to find the shoes I won’t have to lace.

Eating my favourite meal–alone.

Calling to interrupt at work the one who used to call and interrupt me at nothing.

Hearing voices of people I don’t know through the wall, hoping they’ll go away soon. I want to come out, but I don’t want to see them.

Exasperation as someone volunteers another uninformed idea. Knowing that I sometimes sound the same.

Halfway to raising my hand because I have the answer, waiting.

Trying to sleep over the noise of the robo-bird chirp of the cross-walk signal.

Lamenting that I am made to spend my money on these ideas.

Sitting in my chair, reading.

Thinking of the other strange ducks I saw, a dirty off-white, as though someone bleached them. Necks turned back, they nap with heads between wings, resting on grass.

“How fleeting are all human passions compared to the massive continuity of ducks.”

Do you think it would be a good idea for an amoral, vampiric fairy prince with an active interest in the subjugation of mankind to take over the world?

a) Yes! Thank you for asking

b) Yes! But only if he marries me (married ladies, don’t let this put you off!  This is an alternate world here.)

c) No! I would defeat him by sprinkling him with Holy Water

d) No! I would defeat him by saying “I don’t believe in fairies!”

Would you rather have:

[note: you may not look any of these up beforehand]

a) Hamartia

b) crepetation

c) pentastes’ curse

d) beriberi

Who’s your lawyer?

a) John Marshall

b) Perry Mason

c) Gregory Peck

d) Cicero

You hear gunfire! Do you:

a) run away from and then to the scene

b) go toward then run away from then go to the scene

c) run away

d) go straight there

And if so, what were you thinking?

You are reading a book with many illustrations. Is it:

a) an instruction manual

b) Bedtime for Frances

c) “Fantastic Four vs. the Submariner!”

d) Bleach

e) 300

The Beatles split up but they continued to make music on their own. Your favorite song or artist is:

a) “You’re Sixteen”–Ringo Starr

b) “Imagine”–John Lennon

c) “My Sweet Lord”–George Harrison

d) “Band on the Run”–Paul McCartney

You are seeking advice–who do you call?

a) someone whose advice you will ignore

b) someone whose advice you will or have taken

c) someone who will fail to advise by changing the subject

d) someone who will turn it into a joke

e) your mother

f) the giver of faux-advice

g) someone who will put up with your waffling

You will be late for school/work/an appointment if you shower. Do you:

a) shower anyway

b) simply brush hair and deodorize armpits

c) complete b) and cover hair with headgear

You restrict yourself to wearing one of these colors; you choose:

a) white

b) red

c) blue

d) black

You are running out of time on a multiple choice test. You choose this letter for the rest of the questions:

a) a

b) b

c) c

d) d

e) e

f) you excuse yourself and pull the fire alarm

Danielle and I met when we were six years old, in Mrs. Henderson’s 1st grade class. We parted schools but not ways after an excellent year in Mrs. Facer’s 2nd grade class, coming together scholastically again only in junior high. Not the best place for a reunion, but beggars (victims of state law!) can’t be choosers. Eluding the grasp of those who would have us suffer, we managed to make it to WX High, vastly superior to the school to which we were originally assigned (though I did spend some time there). Much more important than all this was the time we spent in other’s homes, cars, and other venues in which we acted out our every whim, thus displaying our general disregard for societal norms, often at high volume. Often accompanying us was Danielle’s sister Rachael, only two years younger. As a trio, we packed a punch. As a duo, they tried to punch each other–I endeavored to mediate.

We’ve swallowed a great deal of public pool water in each other’s company, eaten more junk food than many would care to think about (remember those popsicles without sticks? the ones in plastic?), watched Muppet Treasure Island about 100 times, spent hours playing computer games, eaten tons of ice, and spent a great deal of our time outside, wading in her stream, picking wild blackberries, sledding, swinging on the hammock and glider, and spitting cherry pits over the porch railing, not to mention all the time we’ve spent with Danielle’s many pets–cats, dogs, and tarantulas (with a few horses on the side!).

Things we both like (these examples derive from that which has been stated, observed, or experienced): REM, Johnny Depp, cheese whiz (back in the day, at least), sleep, Hugh Laurie, delivering withering sarcasm and death-ray glares, high heels, Simon and Garfunkel, dogs, cats, wolves, Strong Bad, the Muppets, John Denver, sugar, the idea of suffering coming upon the heads of those who displease us, Garfield, Wishbone

Things I like she doesn’t like: birds, anime, Shakespeare (really, REALLY hates birds)

Things we both dislike: ha ha ha–How long do you want this post to be? Orlando Bloom, cheerleaders, cheerleaders who like Orlando Bloom, waking up, most vegetables (all vegetables for her, I think, except corn), people who hurt animals, policemen, etc. Neither of us likes clowns, either, but then, NOBODY in their right minds likes clowns. No one.

Things she likes I don’t: well, scary movies, sharks and spiders give me the willies. The spiders, I can manage (nothing a shoe and tissue won’t take care of!), the movies, I can avoid, but a shark I don’t think I could handle. . .

If life gave out all the prizes it should, Danielle would win these:

Most Hilarious Death Threats,

Most Hilarious E-mails,

and

Undeservedly but Exceptionally Bad Karma.

She has also been a very, very good friend.

Happy 20th Birthday, Danielle!

Dramatis Personae:

Kurosaki Ichigo: Luke Skywalker

Abarai Renji: Han Solo

Kuchiki Rukia: Princess Leia Organa

Yasutora “Chad” Sado: Chewbacca

Ishida Uryu: C-3P0

Kon: R2-D2

Kuchiki Byakuya: Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker

Yamamoto Genryuusai: the Emperor

Urahara Kisuke: Obi-wan Kenobi

Zangetsu: Yoda

Kyouraku Shunsui: Lando Calrissian

Kurosaki Isshin: Uncle Owen

Kurosaki Masaki: Aunt Beru

Ichimaru Gin: Grand Moff Tarkin

Unohana Retsu: that one lady who says: “Many Bothans have died. . .”

Kurotsuchi Mayuri: Jabba the Hut’s butler

2nd company’s vice-captain: the guy whose pet rancor gets killed

Inoue Orihime: props and lighting

______________________

Kuchiki Hisana: Padme

Zaraki Kenpachi: Darth Maul

Ukitake Jyuushiro: Qui-Gon Jinn

If there’s anyone else you think should be matched up, just say!

Bleach Captains’ Hair Annual Awards:

#1: Yamamoto Genryusai Shigekuni: eyebrows most eligible to be donated to Locks of Love award

#2: Soi Fon: hair both longest and shortest award

#3: Ichimaru Gin: hair that would be the most normal except for its color award

#4: Unohana Retsu: hair that should look like a beard but somehow doesn’t award

#5: Aizen Sosuke: most normal hair award

#6: Kuchiki Byakuya: forgot to finish doing it hair (i.e. take out his curlers) award

#7: Komamura Sajin: it’s not actually hair, it’s more like fur award

#8: Kyoraku Shunsui: most clever use of accessories award

#9: Tousen Kaname: least innovative hairstyle award

#10: Hitsugaya Toushiro: most juvenile hairstyle award

#11: Zaraki Kenpachi: most high maintenance hairstyle award

#12: Kurotsuchi Mayuri: does he even have hair award (he does–it’s blue. You gotta have blue hair!)

#13: Ukitake Jushiro: simplest and most flattering style award

Annnd:

Worst Hairstyle: Izuru Kira

Least Improved Hairstyle: Hueco-Mundo Aizen-sama

Hair most like mine (when short): Urahara Kisuke

Hair most like mine (when long): Matsumoto Rangiku

Loveliest hair: Shihouin Yoruichi

Least Hair: Madarame Ikkaku

Most Inspiring Hair: Kurosaki Ichigo

Rockin’est hair: Abarai Renji

Strangest eyelashes: Yumichika Ayasegawa

People whose hair and eyebrows are most alike:

The whole Kuchiki family

Most challenged eyebrows: Shiba Ganju

Winter is snow on Zoe’s legs

Spring is mud on Zoe’s paws

Summer is grass on Zoe’s feet

Fall is leaves in Zoe’s fur

Life is Zoe.